My heart is breaking..

[Desert grandma]

Dear DU friends, I have not posted much the past month or so because my husband who was doing so well on his skin cancer (squamous cell carcinoma) treated by immunotherapy, is currently at the VA hospital in ICU. The treatment had some uncommon side effects which impacted his kidney function. His creatinine level upon admission was 3.6. Normal is .7-.9. The treatment is steroids, beginning with heavy doses and tapering off. His numbers are improving, as the level today is 2.4. The numbers are headed in the right direction, but they seem to be causing great agitation and even combative behavior. The biggest concern is his agitation as he was trying to pull out IVs. They have those mitts on him that look like boxing gloves. He hates it and keeps trying to get them off. He told me quite clearly today.."Get these off!". He is hard of hearing and the medical providers seem to think his cognitive function has also deteriorated because in the past he was diagnosed with mild cognitive dementia. This morning he did respond to the doctor and told her his name. The medical team is going to assess him on Monday to gauge any improvement. They want to move him into in patient hospice perhaps in the short term to continue the tapering off of the steroid. He is not eating or drinking fluids so they are giving him fluids via IV that contain potassium, magnesium, glucose and other nutrients. He needs to be able to eat and drink fluids. I am praying that he will be able to recover enough that he can come home. He is the love of my life and we celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary last November. He is an amazing man who retired as an engineer from Honeywell years ago and went back to school to get an MS in Social Work and an LCSW certification. He then worked for 8 more years helping homeless vets. He is a wonderful father and I cannot imagine my life without him. Please send caring thoughts and prayers if you are so inclined. Two weeks ago he was in the kitchen talking and laughing with his sister. I am overwhelmed trying to process this sudden crisis.

[Maru Kitteh]

1. Laying here listening to Mr Maru breathe, I can't even imagine your suffering

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. It’s simply not fair. :

[irisblue]

2. I am so sorry this is happening, you both are in my thoughts

[SheltieLover]

3. Healing vibes on the way to both of you.

So aorry to hear about this.

[JMCKUSICK]

4. I'm praying for both of you Desert Grandma

Thank you for sharing your pain with us, and please know the love in this group is second to none and we're all loving you both right now.

When he is able, please share with him how wonderful these fifty one years have been, including your favorite memories. Let him know he's still needed, but give him permission to rest if that's what he needs.

God Speed Desert Grandma
Love, John

[NNadir]

5. Please accept my deepest sympathy for what you are experiencing.

[alwaysinasnit]

6. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

[badhair77]

7. I'm glad you find comfort in reaching out here at DU.

We all need a safe space. I’m a prayer person so I’m sending out prayers for you, your husband and his medical team. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I pray for your strength and your husband’s healing. Hugs and love.

[Raine]

8. Good positive thoughts & prayers coming your way 🙏

and much love.

[niyad]

9. My dear Desert Grandma, holding you and your husband in love

and light. Vibes fo recovery, healing, strength on the way. Your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as you need.

[kairos12]

10. Sending you both peace and strength.

[Silver Gaia]

11. I am so sorry you are going through this.

My husband has wrestled with cancer in many forms. He is also a veteran and receives VA health care, which has been quite good over the years.

I saw him go through things similar to what you describe when he went through chemo and radiation. I saw very similar things, too, in terms of mental and emotional agitation when his body chemistry had gotten out of whack due to the chemo drugs. And yes, they put him in ICU, too.

I am posting to offer you hope. He recovered. That was over 15 years ago and he is still with me. He is asleep next to me as I type this on my phone. Give it time. The VA doctors will help bring him back to you.

I know how very hard it is, and how scared you must be, but please try to find some time for yourself. Time to relax and be at peace, as hard as that sounds. This can help you cope with the uncertainty. You are the caregiver, as was I, and we need care, too.

We are all here for you. DU is such a caring and supportive community. Lean on us as hard as you need to. We will hold you up.

[calimary]

12. I sympathize. My husband and I have had a long run together.

This Spring it’ll be Year 50. I’m sending you lots of thoughts of strength and courage, every time I think of it. Just your being there will help him greatly. And that in turn will help YOU.

If you can, please update us on how he’s doing AND how YOU are doing. Cuz we care. And we’re gonna worry.

[Donkees]

13. 💛 🧡 ❤️

[Hannahcares]

14. Something to ask the doctors

My dear Desert Grandma,
I know what you are going through and am sending prayers for a complete recovery to you and your husband.
A thought I’d like to share… hubby of 48 years had a bad fall last year. Broke some bones requiring several surgeries and casts. Docs gave him antibiotics and steroids to help with swelling and inflammation. Steroids made him crazy-anxious, aggressive, nothing like the man I’ve known and loved since 1970!
I begged the doctors to put him on something else- different brand of steroids, something to reduce inflammation with out the dreadful side effects. Eventually they were able to taper him off the steroids and lo and behold, my dearest love reappeared!
It’s always worth asking, and even doing a little. Gemini research!
Please keep us posted on his progress. We are here for you, and will lift you both up with our prayers.
Peace, Hannahcares

[malaise]

15. Sending good vibes

[purr-rat beauty]

16. Sending healing vibes and thoughts of hope

From one Veteran who has worked in social work and faced cancer, I know he has the fight in him. Much respect to both of you as you endure.

[democrank]

17. Sending hugs and strength

We’re here for you.

[mgardener]

18. I am so sorry.

You are both going through this

[OldBaldy1701E]

19. I am sending healing vibes your way.

[brer cat]

20. I am so sorry that you and your husband are going through this.

Your husband sounds like an amazing man which makes the cognitive decline so much harder to accept. We can hope that it is a temporary decline caused by his current condition and not permanent.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

[mwmisses4289]

21. (((gentle hug)))🫂

[LuckyCharms]

22. I'm so sorry...please try to stay as positive as you can.

I'm no doctor, but it sounds like this acute phase came on suddenly?

There might be a medicinal cause to this crisis...maybe the immunotherapy and the steroids.

Steroids are a necessary evil. They are a wonder drug, but they can cause a lot of problems too.

Try to stay positive...I've weaned off steroids many times, and personally, they turn me into a different person, both physically and mentally. I'm hoping that things turn around for him once he is weaned off them.

It's a good sign that his creatine levels are improving!

Your hubby sounds like a great guy and a wonderful man...I'm wishing you both the very best.

[lark]

23. Dearest Desert Grandma,

My love and healing thoughts go to you and your husband. Getting old is certainly not for the faint of heart.

[applegrove]

24. Vibes to him and you and your loved ones.

[justaprogressive]

25. Sending prayers for you, he, and

his entire care team, for a positive outcome...

[Arazi]

26. I am so sorry. 😞

[CousinIT]

27. Oh Desert Grandma...

....I am sending well-wishes and healing vibes to your precious hubby. And for you, wishes of strength and peace.

Remember to take deep breaths - and to take care of yourself, so you can better care for him.

[markie]

28. please know

that many positive thoughts are coming to you and your husband

[highplainsdem]

29. I'm so sorry. Praying he improves quickly and will be able to return home soon. Kidney problems

including UTIs can result in what are usually just temporary symptoms of delirium/agitation and worsening dementia, but with treatment for the infection or other kidney problem that almost always reverses and the patient returns to the previous baseline.