I need some clean jokes!

[Staph]

Our pastor has decided that this Sunday is Holy Humor Sunday - I think he's just glad that the heavy lifting that is Holy Week is over.

We've been asked to wear comfortable and/or whimsical clothing and bring some of our favorite jokes. I'm terrible at remembering jokes. Do you have any that you think would be appropriate in church?

Thanks in advance!

[Alpeduez21]

1. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef!

[niyad]

2. I just googled "clean jokes for adults" and first link listed 150. have fun!

By the way, that minister should be applauded. What a great idea.

[North Shore Chicago]

3. Did you hear

about the corduroy pillow?


It made headlines!

[sdfernando]

4. Here is one that should work and is apropos for the venue

Two Nuns walk into a bar.

...the third one ducked.

[UpInArms]

5. A woman had twin boys

She named them Amal and Juan … but she only carried one picture in her wallet …

And when people would ask to see the other, she replied

If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal

[underpants]

6. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Groucho Marx

[Skittles]

7. guy walking past his son's room

"Son, if you don't stop doing that you'll go blind!"

son: "HEY DAD, I'M OVER HERE!"


OOPS, sorry, not so clean, MY BAD.

[Diamond_Dog]

8. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

[True Dough]

10. Clean jokes?

How does the moon take a bath? It has meteor showers!

Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.

I was alone in the bath. Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!

I just dropped my phone in the bath. Now it's syncing.

I tried giving my cat a bath and it went terribly... I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.

[Paladin]

12. Google "Clean Jokes."

There are dozens of sites.

[Morbius]

13. I actually posted this joke last week in General Discussion.

So, there's a chance some of you already know it:

The other day, I saw a man washing his car with his son. And the kid said, "Aw, Dad. Couldn't you just use a sponge?"

[boonecreek]

14. What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis.