I'm out of toilet paper.

[zanana1]

Any suggestions?

[OLDMDDEM]

1. Pictures of Trump?

[buzzycrumbhunger]

2. Necessity is the mother of invention

Kleenex… paper towels… old newspapers… garden hose?

[no_hypocrisy]

3. Clean yourself with a warm, soapy washcloth. Rinse.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

8. I got confused...

For some reason, I follow a FB group where people ask silly questions and you can only give terrible advice. My brain was on the wrong forum for a minute.

[wyn borkins]

4. Two Possible Suggestions

(1) Connect a garden hose from your sink or from a nearby shower to serve as a water rinse device. Rinse as necessary and then allow the (rinsed) area to drip-dry.

OR

(2) Fill a half-gallon container with a decent pour spout and then use it as a water rinse service. Rinse as necessary and then allow the (rinsed) area to drip-dry.

Of No Note Whatsoever:

(A) Here in the Philippines, TP is not always available, butt water is usually (cold).

(B) Seriously try to allow the rinsing water to trickle into the toilet bowl, not onto the floor. And why yes, it does take a bit of practice.

[zanana1]

7. Thank you, wyn borkins.

I'll try the half gallon method.

[LuckyCharms]

5. A tennis ball. n/t

[Harker]

11. Love - 40.

[Prairie_Seagull]

14. That snuck up on me.

bwahahaha

[True Dough]

18. I'm trying to tie DU Lounge threads together

See my post below, #17.

[NNadir]

6. Install a bidet.

[1WorldHope]

9. I tried a bidet converter kit, I will call it...

and I never felt comfortable with the water shooting up from inside the toilet. So I got rid of that and at my Ace hardware store I bought a kit that attaches a hose like the one on the kitchen sink to the water supply going to the tank via a Y valve. It has an on and off valve so there isn't ongoing water pressure when not in use. It's cold, yes, but I can point it exactly where I need it. When I'm not using it its not inside the toilet bowl collecting fecal matter. I think every toilet should have one. Clean butts feel good!

[Marthe48]

10. Old fashioned

1. My mother-in-law raised most of her kids in a house with no indoor plumbing. They kept a stack of Sears catalogues in the outhouse and would tear pages out. One of her relatives kindly pointed out that even if they had to use an outhouse, they could buy t.p. for it.

I went to Canada the year I turned 14. I was with my uncle and grandmother. We parked the car at a boat launch, where a trustee would take us across the lake to the house. As posh as it was, there was an outhouse to use. I went in and noticed a metal box attached to the wall, maybe said for emergency use on the front. I opened it up and there were 3 dried corn cobs, white, red, white. I shut the box, and came out, very curious. I asked my uncle and grandmother. My grandmother looked shocked and my uncle snickered. He explained that you used the white cob first, then the red, and finally the other white to be sure. I kind of wonder how my city uncle knew. lol

Finally, an old joke. A lady was hosting a tea party. She had everything just right, pretty linen, heirloom tea cups, dainty finger food. Right before the guests were due to arrive, she discovered she was out of toilet paper. In a flash of inspiration, she went to her sewing room and grabbed a bunch of old dress patterns, and cut them into squares, and stacked them in the bathroom. The guests arrived and oohed and aahed over the lovely tables settings. One of the ladies went to the restroom, and came back in awe.
She told her friend in a whisper, "Our hostess is so fancy, she has toilet paper marked Front and Back!"

Hope you can get to the store!

[Harker]

12. Smooth stones.

[Diamond_Dog]

13. After giving birth

The hospital sent me home with two plastic squeeze bottles. Fill first one up with mild soapy water and fill second one up with plain water. Soap up with the first, rinse with the second. Pat yourself dry with a wash cloth.

[Skittles]

15. I see you have received some decent replies

my advice is to do what I've always done - keep a multi roll under your bathroom sink AND a spare multi-pack stashed in your bedroom closet......ALWAYS have backup TP - yes indeed

[Niagara]

16. Use the 3 sea shells!!

I know that you've haven't been at home for very long time so I'm sorry for use the 3 sea shells crack.

I keep 4 of these mega packs in my home at all times. Before January 20, 2025, I only kept two of these mega packs.




I also place 5 to 6 rolls in this Sterilite letter file tote in the cabinet under the bathroom sink...just in case there's ever a plumbing issue the toilet paper doesn't get drenched.




We'll run out of food in this house before we ever run out of toilet paper.

[True Dough]

17. I would suggest

you do your business on LuckyCharms' windshield. He won't mind!



https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182322241

[Niagara]

19. omg

[True Dough]

20. I kinda left out a little detail

Would that business be conducted while Lucky is sitting in the car or while he's away? Preferably the latter, unless one is an exhibitionist!

[LuckyCharms]

21. I have a convertible

[Niagara]

23. They say shit happens

[LuckyCharms]

24. Yes

[Niagara]

25. Whew. That's wild, Lucky

[LuckyCharms]

26. This is wilder (I can't believe you make me go down this terrible path)

[Niagara]

27. I didn't make you do anything of the sort

[LuckyCharms]

29. Yes. You did.

[Niagara]

30. No, it wasn't me

I'm going to place the blame on zanana1 for starting the thread to begin with.

She's most likely reading all of this go down in her thread and wondering what the hell is wrong with us!

[LuckyCharms]

31. I consider it an education.

Huh! The internet taught me something that I never knew before!



And if you start a thread about toilet paper in a forum filled with the oldest juveniles in the world (said with love, and myself included) this is what is bound to happen.

[Niagara]

33. Did you see my Demolition Man 3 sea shells response up thread?

Of course it's bound to happen, it's a good times thread~!

[LuckyCharms]

34. LOL I just watched it.

I think I'm older than you, Niagara. So let me tell you what I have learned in my years:

If you are standing in line at the grocery checkout, and you are behind a guy with a nervous smile and sweat running down his forehead, and he is trembling a bit, and he is purchasing nothing but two jumbo size packages of toilet paper ...just abandon your shopping cart right there and go to another grocery store.

If you would like any other pro life tips from an older guy, just let me know Niagara.

[Niagara]

40. lol

Copy that, Lucky.


I generally try to make my store errands super early in the morning but sometimes I have to make those store trips after work. In the event, I come across a nervous guy buying jumbo sized packages of toilet paper, I'll make a bee line right out of there!


I'll be sure to ask as I think of any pro life tips!

[LuckyCharms]

43. I have a confession Niagara...

I'm soon to be 68 years old. And I still pull my shirt up over the back of my head and do a perfect Beavis (I need TP for my bunghole) impersonation. Sometimes, I'll do it for hours and hours. It's funnier when you beat it to death. I just can't get anyone else to see the humor in it. I'm not sure why.

I hope you don't think poorly of me because of my confession.

[Niagara]

47. It's alright, Lucky

I still make fart noises by putting my hands up to my mouth.


This happens when I'm generally having a bad day.


Also, when people are trying to get the last amount of ketchup or whatever out of the bottle and there's a bunch of fart like sounds...I'll say, "Oops! Excuuuusee meeeeeeeeee!" It usually generates smiles and laughter from other people!

[LuckyCharms]

48. You're a

woman after my own heart.

There's nothing better than those ketchup bottle noises! I do the same as you...

I don't think we would be able to get through a dinner together...we'd be laughing too hard.

I still do armpit farts...I show other people how to do them too. Hey! Watch this!

You know what they say...it's ok to be childlike. a time for seriousness, and a time for playfulness...it's all good.

[Niagara]

50. Absolutely

There's a time to be serious. There's also times to be silly.

[zanana1]

53. That's okay.

I know what's wrong with you.

[Niagara]

54. Thank you for being a great sport, zanana1

I hope that your crisis was averted.

If you have a local Walmart, you can register an account with Walmart and use your account for same day delivery if it's early enough in the day. Yes, there's an extra charge (within and hour or two is more expensive compared to a 4 hour delivery) and tip money involved but sometimes it's worth it.

[True Dough]

35. Make sure

you keep that soft top up, Lucky!

Falling objects may be closer than they appear!

[LuckyCharms]

36. "Keeping the soft top up"

Is that what they are calling "pooping" these days?

Help me out here True dough.

[True Dough]

39. Sorry. Maybe I was thinking of

"sort serve."

[LuckyCharms]

41. Oh thanks, True Dough.

I love ice cream, and now I can never eat it again.

[True Dough]

45. Somehow, I doubt that!

[LuckyCharms]

46. I go to this place...

They have a killer brownie sundae in a cup. It's huge.

I only go a few times a year because I have to triple bolus my insulin when I eat this thing, but it's so good.

[Niagara]

22. I just can't stop laughing over here

No one ever accused anyone in the Lounge as boring, that's for sure!

[rsdsharp]

28. Kinky Friedman had the answer.

[Lochloosa]

32. The right hand is for eating and the left hand is for .....

[Bluestocking]

37. Sponges work great because they are reusable

[sdfernando]

38. Both of my bathrooms here

in Spain have bidets. Everyone should have at least one!

[u4ic]

42. RUN OUT AND PANIC BUY!!!

It's old hat for us all now...

[underpants]

44. Do you happen to have a telephone book, Sears catalog, or corn cobs handy?

That’s what used to used in out houses.

[Emile]

49. Wash cloth.

[Niagara]

51. This method is the easiest, Emile

I've had to clean clients using this method while wearing a mask and disposable gloves.

[bucolic_frolic]

52. use the papers in the classified box /nt