This line has really affected me.

[OldBaldy1701E]

I will post a link to the teaser trailer I am quoting.

So, there are now 'teasers' about the upcoming Hail Mary from Marvel, i.e.: Avengers: Doomsday. One of them involves the 'X-Men' from the 2000s movies. (You know, Hallie Berry, Hugh Jackman, Sir Patrick Stewart, etc.) The trailer is interesting, but what is said during it has really hit me hard.

"The question isn't 'are you prepared to die?'... the question is... who will you be... when you close your eyes?'"

My answer is 'no one'. Completely pathetic. Because I am no one. I have had no impact on anyone or anything, except when my curse comes into play and I end whatever it was that I was involved with. (Every band I have ever been in ended right after I joined. Every band I started either ended within a year or decided to play with someone else due to 'creative differences', which is another term for 'we don't like your direction and we are too lazy to discuss it'.)

Who will you be? I sincerely hope that everyone else gets to 'be' whatever it is that you are aiming for. My time is done. I understood that after the first time I was left alone with issues that could have been helped, but I am not rich or powerful, so on one felt there was enough of a reason to bother.

When I close my eyes, I will be no one, because I lived as no one.

It was not by choice.

[LoisB]

1. You are absolutely someone. You are a unique human being.

[mwmisses4289]

2. You are someone.

You OPs and thoughtful replies to posts on this board certainly have an impact on me.

I am who I am.
I am.

[Ocelot II]

3. You couldn't be more mistaken. You are a unique person with value.

Most people don't get to be anything special; the vast majority of us live and die in relative obscurity, but nobody is nothing. I'm nothing special; I'm old and I don't have children to mourn my death or miss me when I'm gone. I don't expect my funeral to be well-attended. But I know I've had some impact, however small, on the world. So have you. We all leave footprints on the universe. You're leaving them now. I always read your posts and I feel sad when I read about how little you value yourself. I wish I could change your mind.

(When I feel a little regretful about the fact that I've never done anything remarkable that will cause me to be remembered, I keep in mind the fact that at least millions of people won't be out in the streets celebrating my departure when I go. I don't think many of us want to be that guy. )

[Tbear]

4. The harder I tried to rise up, the more people try to pull me down.

Like bugs crawling to the top of the open jar while the other bugs knock them down trying to jump over them.

Forgiving others can be hard but the hardest thing can be forgiving your younger self. It’s all I know to do when the negative thoughts come.

We all do what seems best at the time. Being neither a liar nor a thief while doing so is my small comfort for never achieving anything noteworthy.

[Eko]

5. I look at it this way. There is Hitler and then Gandhi.

If you end up more toward Gandhi then you did well.
117 billion humans lived before you. The vast majority, by far the vast majority just lived their lives and died. Very few of those did anything of note and of those that did so many did bad things of note. You are a human. That's what you did, you lived as a human. that's what you were supposed to do. Did you try to make people smile, help people, love? Did you experience the joys and sadness throughout your life? You are on here sharing all the time, you could have been selfish and not done so. I believe you are much better than you think you are. As for the band thing, as a musician for 37 years who went to school for it and works in the music industry what you experienced is common. Every time I see you post here I read it to see what others like me who are alone are experiencing and realize that I may be alone but I am not really alone when I can share with you and everyone here.
You are better than you think you are.
Keep on keeponing.
Eko.