80 Years of Trying Is Circling Down the Drain

[Moostache]

47. I am happy that you remain mentally fit and hale enough to share that with us...

My own father is 83 now and suffering from progressive dementia and the effects that has after his own litany of woe that makes my head hurt still. Since the pandemic, my father has lost his wife (my mother) to COVID-19, his mobility and self-reliance (to a stroke and subsequent long-term effects), his continence (to bladder cancer), his ability to travel and move about freely (to a fall and broken hip) and his memory is slowly fading as well. He spent a lifetime raising my brother, my sister and I to be emphathetic people, to care more about fairness and justice than "getting one over" on someone. He modeled what it meant to be a husband for me to follow (after a 52 year marriage to my mother, that while not without its fair share of challenges), and is STILL my north star and one that I hope I am half as successful modelling for my children. I can't face myself some days when I fail to visit him because of the stress it creates for me.

My personal weakness is magnified by events like when he failed to recognize me for the first time ever a couple weeks back. That rocked my world as much as anything since we lost Mom in November of 2020, just days after the election.

It has felt (personally) like a non-stop demolition derby ever since that. Despite the accomplishments and efforts of the Biden administration, nothing ever really seemed to make Trump go the fuck away. He was a candidate from the day after the 2020 election and the fact that he was not held to account by the Senate for January 6th was the death knell of the first American Republic in my mind. Everything since last November has been just bad news on top of bad news on toip of worse news. I don't know what to do about it. I have had a lifetime of watching mass protests (from the antiwar efforts in 1990 and again in 2002, to the anti-gun violemence marches and the #Me Too movement to the BLM movement and George Floyd) time and time and time again get some temporary attention only to fade into the next sensational news "story" of the moment.

We have devolved into an unserious nation of toddlers screaming at their parents that they don't want to go to bed, they don't want to eat their vegetables, they don't want to study, they don't want to care about others' feelings. It is hurtful to watch and live, but its crushing to see it sap the will of those who have spent far longer than I trying to make it a little better.

I lack the answers or even a good idea of what to do to save this nation from splitting into a second American republic and a second American confederacy, but I don't see it ever happening peacefully or without massive human tolls being extracted. It hurts my soul to see MineralMan express the kind of frustration and sense of forboding or loss that I am going through because for years here at DU I have read his posts and material with great admiration and interest. He has modelled much of what I value and respect and to see him hurting is soul crushing all over again.

I wish there was a path ahead that did not appear to be doom and gloom. I truly do. I just do not see it - on a personal level, on a local level, on a national level and on an international level, humanity is surfing a wave of stupidity, immaturity and greed than is swamping everything of real value on this Earth. It is threatening to leave a smoldering cinder or a greenhouse amok hellscape or a Mad Maxian dystopia of highway mauraders and anarchy.

What just kills me is that there WERE BETTER OPTIONS ALL ALONG. People have been lied to, misled, used and soon will be discarded for the advantage of a select few and the benefit of a puny minority and their undeserving progeny.

MM...if it is any consolation, your work here and the things you have shared have been a candle in the dark for me for ages now and I truly hope we get to a happier place before your final farewells are given. Godspeed good sir and best wishes for health and happier memories with loved ones, family and friends.