Spurious News: Toronto Blue Jays send letter to Trump detailing requirements for post-WS WH visit

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TORONTO (Spurious News Network) -- The Toronto Blue Jays, with their 6-1 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers, have moved to within one win of capturing the third World Series championship in the team's history.

It is a very long tradition in American sports that any team that wins a championship is invited to the White House to meet the President of the United States. Today, Tony Staffieri. Chief Executive Officer of Rogers Communications, owners of both the Blue Jays and the stadium they play in, sent a letter to King Donald Trump, doing business as the president of the United States, stating under what circumstances they'll meet with him should they win the Series. We publish it in its entirety.

Dear President Trump:
We, the Toronto Blue Jays, winner of the 2025 American League pennant and currently standing one win from the 2025 World Championship, are aware that the president of the United States traditionally meets with the champion.

If you want us to give you a photo opportunity, we request the following:

1. All talk of the United States annexing Canada must immediately and permanently cease, and you must go on national television to explain to the American people that it will never happen again.

2. Your ill-conceived trade war against the entire rest of the world must permanently cease.

3. The meeting must be in the East Wing of the White House.

4. The Epstein Files must be released, unredacted, prior to the meeting.

5. The US government agency popularly known as ICE must be disbanded.

6. You, Pete Hegseth and JD Vance must resign.

If all six of those conditions are not met we would meet with a random homeless person wearing a Los Angeles Dodgers hat before we even dreamed of meeting with you.

Brandon Gomes, general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, also sent a letter to Trump, and we publish that letter too.

Dear President Trump:
As of October 30, 2025, the Los Angeles Dodgers must beat the Toronto Blue Jays twice at the Rogers Centre in Toronto to win the World Series. It's happened before for teams that didn't have Shohei Ohtani on their rosters. We have Ohtani so we're not counting out being the first team since the New York Yankees, who won three Series back-to-back in 1998 to 2000, to win two Series in a row.

If we do it, it will be a cold day in hell before we meet with your sorry ass.