Spurious Analysis: Ways to handle the high price of eggs at Easter

[jmowreader]

FROM MY HUMBLE ABODE (Spurious Analysis Service) — Easter is the most egg-centric holiday there is. This makes sense because the original religions who celebrated it before the early Christians co-opted it were celebrating the new lambs and calves being born around that time, and the word Easter was derived from the word “estrus.” They used eggs as a symbol of fertility.

In the year 2025, an extreme shortage of eggs makes celebrating Easter in the traditional way by dyeing hard-boiled eggs unaffordable, possibly impossible and slightly un-American. On the other hand, your kids might be expecting to color eggs this year like they’ve always done. What to do?

Let the Spurious Analysis Service be your friend. Do one or more of these things and you’ll be covered.

PLASTIC EGGS AND POSTER PAINT: Probably your best solution. There’s no shortage, you can use them for Easter egg hunts, they’ll last forever and painting on plastic eggs might be even more fun than coloring real ones. Plus, you can keep them as family heirlooms. If you try this, the kids may very well want to do it every year from now on.

CHOCOLATE EGGS AND COLORED FROSTING: Just as much fun as painting plastic eggs, and the kids will love eating their creations.

GIVE FABERGE EGGS: This year, it’s almost as cheap as using real ones.

TELL THE KIDS IT’S TRUMP’S FAULT: Since everything else is, why not?

TELL THE KIDS DADDY DOESN’T WANT TO EAT EGG SALAD SANDWICHES FOR A MONTH LIKE HE DID LAST YEAR: This is even more believable than blaming it in Trump, especially since he didn’t want to anyway.

TELL THE KIDS RABBITS STOPPED LAYING EGGS: This one works until they figure out rabbits never did.

CHANGE RELIGIONS TO ONE THAT DOESN’T CELEBRATE EASTER: Probably not feasible but worth a shot.