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Katcat

(574 posts)

37. First off, I'm so sorry

Tue Dec 23, 2025, 05:00 PM

Dec 2025

Just going through the same thing with my sister and it’s tough. With her tho, her husband had some mental issues of his own and ended up in a home. At the moment, sis is with him as her caretakers have gone h9me for the holidays. My BIL is an ass and had the opportunity and financial means to have them both in a fancier place but nooooooo it wasn’t his idea.

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irisblue

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Well, it's done. My husband is in a memory care facility. The first 24 hours [View all] Ziggysmom Dec 2025 OP

Sweetie, you did the right thing. SheltieLover Dec 2025 #1

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You cared for him out of love and you put him in the facility out of love. CousinIT Dec 2025 #2

You're doing the best thing for you and your husband, even though he might not think so. Perhaps the SWBTATTReg Dec 2025 #3

Some good advice re the memory care place. electric_blue68 Dec 2025 #67

Hugs to you Duncanpup Dec 2025 #4

This heartbreaking moment is truly an important accomplishment. enough Dec 2025 #5

Had to send my Mom to a memory care facility because she had become too confused to live at home Ocelot II Dec 2025 #6

Oh, my dear. I have no advice except to say please know you have done the right thing for him, Scrivener7 Dec 2025 #7

You identified the key issue. You couldn't function anymore Raven123 Dec 2025 #8

I worked in a short-term psych facility years ago TBF Dec 2025 #9

Comfort and acceptance a nurse gave me Marthe48 Dec 2025 #10

100% certain you are doing the right thing. Irish_Dem Dec 2025 #11

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS OF SUPPORT! Ziggysmom Dec 2025 #12

Good on him... CousinIT Dec 2025 #70

I'm sorry you're going through this JoseBalow Dec 2025 #13

No personal experience, but have you tried the Seniors forum? Wounded Bear Dec 2025 #14

Everyone has said what I wanted to say! OldBaldy1701E Dec 2025 #15

This message was self-deleted by its author Tetrachloride Dec 2025 #16

Ziggysmom, please try to look at it this way... LuckyCharms Dec 2025 #17

You are doing the right thing. murielm99 Dec 2025 #18

One of the things this place is really good for: moral support. calimary Dec 2025 #19

Yes, and you are doing the right thing relayerbob Dec 2025 #20

Dear Ziggysmom Niagara Dec 2025 #21

I can't offer any helpful advice; I read such posts with interest myself because every day brings me closer to the day eppur_se_muova Dec 2025 #22

You cannot help him bluescribbler Dec 2025 #23

You aren't a failure you just faced reality. Every Sat for ten years we drove an hour to visit my twodogsbarking Dec 2025 #24

Love to you, Ziggysmom. littlemissmartypants Dec 2025 #25

Please don't let the guilt take you Easterncedar Dec 2025 #26

The other thing you should know: Irish_Dem Dec 2025 #27

Irish_Dem is correct. TomSlick Dec 2025 #65

Thanks Tom. I know you have seen this kind of situation go sideways fast Irish_Dem Dec 2025 #68

Oh how my heart goes out to you Ziggysmom! You have been lovingly hoeing this tough tough row for so long and now this KitFox Dec 2025 #28

Going through this with my mom right now. Botany Dec 2025 #29

Hugs to you. sinkingfeeling Dec 2025 #30

Please don't beat yourself up.. please! mountain grammy Dec 2025 #31

You are not alone. JustinBulletin Dec 2025 #32

You did the right thing. He will be angry for a while. Linda ladeewolf Dec 2025 #33

Care giver or wife? Dear_Prudence Dec 2025 #34

You did the right thing for yourself and most importantly, for your husband. MIButterfly Dec 2025 #35

Safety first, for yourself and your husband. Much comfort to you both for the holidays and beyond 💚 Clouds Passing Dec 2025 #36

First off, I'm so sorry Katcat Dec 2025 #37

You did the right thing cate94 Dec 2025 #38

All I can give you is this. mwmisses4289 Dec 2025 #39

As SheltieLover said, you did the right thing irisblue Dec 2025 #40

Take care, Ziggysmom otchmoson Dec 2025 #41

Guilt comes with the territory xuplate Dec 2025 #42

It's ok to give up the caretaker role and go back to being a spouse angrycaveman Dec 2025 #43

It's so hard, but you hung in there until there was no other choice. tanyev Dec 2025 #44

I can't imagine how you feel Sailingdiver Dec 2025 #45

Time is the best and hardest method. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty. He is with trained and empathetic ... marble falls Dec 2025 #46

Hugs to you, you did what was necessary for him ascwell as you. Srkdqltr Dec 2025 #47

If Alzheimer's ... IbogaProject Dec 2025 #48

Be gentle to yourself justsomeguy01 Dec 2025 #49

My suggestion to you is visit him as much as you can. That's about the only thing you can do. Fil1957 Dec 2025 #50

My heart goes out to you. Hope22 Dec 2025 #51

When my dad started having aggressive confusion episodes KS Toronado Dec 2025 #52

Your really had no choice, Tesha Dec 2025 #53

Do not feel guilty ms.pamela Dec 2025 #54

My mom and her sisters tried to keep my grandmother at home. HeartsCanHope Dec 2025 #55

Are you able to visit him often, like several times a week? FakeNoose Dec 2025 #56

See if the staff social worker or whomever has suggestions. 3Hotdogs Dec 2025 #57

Hugs to you in making this life-altering decision stollen Dec 2025 #58

Oh, my dear. I wish I could hug you. You did the right thing. Joinfortmill Dec 2025 #59

You've done well and him a favor. Festivito Dec 2025 #60

Hang in there. D00ver66 Dec 2025 #61

My friend had to put her husband in a facility days before their 50th anninversary. TNNurse Dec 2025 #62

You've received so much valuable affirmation here and there's badhair77 Dec 2025 #63

I'm reading your message, and all the repliles, slightlv Dec 2025 #64

Blessings to you on this difficult journey Richluu Dec 2025 #66

For both your safety and his you had to do it, even with your understandable feelings... electric_blue68 Dec 2025 #69

There is a book which might help lonely bird Dec 2025 #71

Hugs! radical noodle Dec 2025 #72

You're human GAJMac Dec 2025 #73

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but you did the right thing. Trueblue Texan Dec 2025 #74

you did the right thing, and chaos in the first 24 hours is to be expected Skittles Dec 2025 #75

Oh, Ziggysmom, I'm so very sorry. hamsterjill Dec 2025 #76

Bring some of his favorite foods for Christmas and leave some with staff to give him. Liberty Belle Dec 24 #77

You've done the right thing, for him more than yourself. Ilsa Dec 24 #78

Breathe Deeply, light a candle, put your feet up. Teacher of the Year Dec 24 #79

I have nothing to offer except respect for the fact that you handled it for five years and had the LoisB Dec 24 #80

Doing what is best for dear husband rather than what he or you may want takes the most love ❤️. MLAA Dec 24 #81

You have done the right thing. PoindexterOglethorpe Dec 24 #82

I have no words other than, my heart truly goes out to you Woodycall Dec 24 #83

NEVER doubt your decision WinstonSmith4740 Dec 24 #84

You have done the best for him. TygrBright Dec 24 #85

I'll be traveling down this road myself someday Omaha Steve Dec 24 #86

You need a really big hug malaise Dec 24 #87

Memory care maliaSmith Dec 24 #88