It has been 4 years since my husband died

[central scrutinizer]

34. The fourth anniversary of my wife's death is a month away

Deep feelings of love for a special person guarantee deep feelings of grief when they’re gone.

I too have been having dreams involving her. I’ve got a shrine where I often light a candle. I still haven’t cleaned out her side of the closet. My side is full of shirts she made. After four years, I no longer break down and sob when talking or thinking about her. 2017 was such an anguishing year that it might have made 2020 easier to cope with. Maybe we are more resilient than we know.

So many anniversaries besides her death to revive the grief: wedding anniversary, her birthday, the date of the cancer diagnosis, our daughter’s birthday, her burial

John Pavlovitz has some good essays on grief that ring true.

I wish you well.