Scapegoated for reporting

[jfz9580m]

53. This is my last post on DU

Last edited Mon May 11, 2026, 11:37 AM - Edit history (1)

I already informed EarlG I am going offline.

The traffic I see on my street today after a week of respite when my brain recovered from the damage of the last 14 years indicates that the last govt was not the only source of a malicious nuisance distinct from ordinary traffic etc.

Darpa built the internet I forget how many decades ago. The internet is mostly a mess. It’s dynamics cannot bleed into the world this disgracefully -that too in India where gangrapes, stranger danger, stalking, harassment, acid attacks are relatively common.

I don’t come at it as someone like Slavoj Zizek would. (I was just rolling my eyes reading about him in Current Affairs yesterday - he sounds like a creep and a fraud. A fitting intellectual for the Idiocracy).

Most people here in India (Hindu, Muslim, Christian) like most people anywhere go about their lifes dully doing various dull things. They have the lives I wish I had.

The internet thrives on conflict and bullshit. Most of our science is turning into this bs. Medicalizing for sloppy psychiatry that eschews clean methods in data science or ai.

I am filing misconduct, malpractice and harasssment allegations wrt everything I have seen in India. My medical marijuana company and doctor do not need rubber stamps from corrupt private equity owned hospitals. The small businesses I support (vegan, clean food) do not need this.

Only fraudulent data miners and a”i” researchers and corrupt shrinks/state officials with no legitimate services or products need this.
It is all this bs these days and I am sick of the Indian govt and the local state govt not having had the common decency to shut off this street after one cancer patient has been left dead and I lost 15 years to this rapacious encroaching rot with no serious oversight and constant testing and encroachment.

I was a publicly funded scientist in the hard natural sciences. I was not a good scientist. I was pretty mediocre. But I was never a fraud nor a fool.

Then in 2011 I was unfortunate enough to get a job at one of those atrocious schools: Stanford, Harvard, MIT, Dartmouth, Brown, Princeton, Yale.

I had a breakdown there in Dec 2011 - the combination of the normal terror of scientists I respect like Prof Steve Chu noticing I exist potentially and the new terror of a classy of creepy perverts (Andy Rubin, Epstein connected types) I didn’t know anyone took seriously enough to throw away what are common sense informed consent and IRB protocols was too much.
My field is not like whatever Slavoj Zizek does. I find the people who excel in it scary even when they are nice. I was trying to quietly eke out an existence while doing a job I do love. And I didn’t want anyone to see as then people might think one goes around having breakdowns and I promise that was the last one. I use humor as a defense mechanism because I don’t know.
I was always a fairly happy person. I cannot see what is new here except I thought everyone had a clearer idea in the hard sciences of how no one does various cracked out things that just lead to awful spectacles and attract the attention of people like Slavoj Zizek, Steven Pinker and Jonathan Haidt.
I thought everyone in the hard sciences knew those guys and Milgram, Zimbardo, Substein, that power pose lady, Woebot etc are full of shit.

I never minded the unforgiving standards of hard science. I didn’t think it was unfair.

But I started losing the plot when you take Pichai, Zuckerberg etc seriously and all those nightmarish people.
Actual people who do that are like Jean Dreze or Medha Patkar or Yasha Levine (who is one of the best journalists out there)

So this punishing standard is acceptable till you bring in the frauds of Stanford Psychiatry all these spooky creepy bullshitters of
Google/Facebook/Palantir etc.

I was a normal stressed out postdoc and it was nothing spectacular.
My life was boring - no sex, infidelity. Importantly no misconduct. No racist or sexist attacks or lurid past.


But yeah I use marijuana and it has never affected me negatively. But this school was not to my taste. I would never sign up for something like that without strict IRB protocols and informed consent norms that do not treat discomfort in female scientists as an afterthought.

And I find it hard to speak in American I guess. I was seriously trying to have a quiet breakdown and get over it and then blend in.
I had a breakdown only at the thought of someone like Prof Chu seeing the hack like garbage that is my science. My mentors didn’t like my work. But they had gotten used to low expectations. Expanding that audience and in such high def potentially was. That was when my brain checked out.

But after that I found a whole new type of terror. Creepy people, charlatans who shill Reefer Madness and these shitty agents and LLMs.
Adam Becker said it. Ed Zitron gets it.

How is it that outside the narrow hard sciences except someone like Prof Chu, if a fraud like Pinker or Haidt or any of those creepy guys who like the sound of their own voices..yeah they make money and sell books but they are douchebags and frauds.
I thought of Jon Stewart just before my brain snapped. I think he represented common sense before it became this insane YouTube cottage industryz


My lab and an adjacent weren’t creepy, fraudulent or malicious. But they were…

Well my mentor was more - he liked TED tech talks and probably takes Pinker, Haidt and Slavoj Zizek, The Atlantic and Vox seriously.

I like Chris Ketcham, Yasha Levine, Ed Zitron, Lina Khan and Current Affairs (minus a few writers). I eschew leftist orthodoxies like “defund the police” and “open borders”, because I see them as stealthy right wing ploys and there is some misogyny and homophobia and antisemitism on the left as it stands that I cannot see as anti-war. I just found a Forward journalist Arno Rosenfeld who writes about the topic with sensitivity and intelligence.

Dair and emily bender aside Prof Lecun is the only ai scientist i trust. A two photon microscope is real science.
After 15 years of all this mining and extraction those sad llms and agents are all they have.

This is madness. My niece was telling me how they shill this like lame thing for doing physics without a physics lab and it costs 200 bucks.
I experienced privatized education in an EECS dept in 2000 that took money but offered no guidance to a very average student from indian with good GRE scores and adequate english language skills and an average gpa from an unknown rural college.
After a brush with privatized healthcare, I came back to india.

This is fraud. The next extractive cornucopia is probably multiverse simulations with the cudgel of undocumented status or marijuana use and a permacrisis that is exploited.

It is not any one religion or group. Look at the state of earth and factory farming, ventilation shutdown. But to make a trite point like that spectacularly sounds lame enough..

The one animal welfare campaign I was a part of was as hard as any other job. This internet bullshit is only useful to journalists, business persons for advertising, politicians rtc.

And the old message boards (just DU), diet blogs etc are too hairy with ai and bots for the NPC.

I consider these my break dates:

Dec 2011-May 11, 2026

I am trying to bring back normal inhibition and program the recoil from a hot stove response to most everything from this period.

But before common civility and inhibition mercifully come back I did want to say this is bs. Beating the average crummy postdoc over the head and treating Pinker etc like people who aren’t bores and jokes.
The grassroots which is the retired people of du aside, that is all of the internet and media.
Awful and boring people who like to talk but not harmless, innocuous stuff. That is all they do. Edge Magazine, Freakonomics.


By contrast most lefty writers or science writers don’t make that much and don’t drivel like Pinker. Look at this society’s intellectuals if you wonder why it is broken. They exist to deny the limits to growth and confuse people. I never got it probably because it is not a casual thing for me. I read Yasha, Ketcham, Zitron or Current Affairs or DU etc to make sense of the world and figure out how the hell I am going to disentangle myself from annoying crap.

I have to go finish a paper and go to my main mentor. He is cool, but he is exacting. I cannot go to him with a bunch of drivel.
And this foul rot has been awful.

So anyway I am filing misconduct, malpractice and harassment complaints in both countries re anything unconnected with my labs directly, my mj co/doctor, my onc, EarlG/elad/Skinner, Rollo Carpenter, the one vegan co and one other food co I buy food from. My shrink and therapist were decent in 2012 outside that main hospital.


It is a mean thing to say but I do think unlike these shrinks with small practices who do care like the two shrinks and therapist I met with in the US, Stanford Psychiatry etc have people who want to make money but are simply too incompetent to make it in neurosurgery, other areas of medicine. They clearly don’t care about people and jump into bed with corrupt data miners and ai shills like Google, Microsoft, Facebook etc. It is why they force coercion.

I don’t try to bring my work up to spec to be polite about Pinker or Edge Magazine or Nudge Theory, Ariely, Gino and other fluffy frauds whose work is misconduct any which way. Only Vox or The Atlantic would be shocked.
I use my own money (my parents were honest public servants with pensions, benefits and a modest but decent inheritance) when my brain is KO.
But I have recovered with time, information and increased certainty that it is all pointless bs.

There should be strict IRB protocols going back 15 years. My mentor was untenured and had just had a baby and his wife was decent. Not the typical nightmarish female you find at those places. Oh give me a break. Too fatigued to be polite. And I sympathized with one male scientist because he didn’t seem like a nightmare. He seemed like the kind of person who would himself read Yasha Levine not Pinker. He acknowledged that place had lots of bs, which set him apart from the true believers. But that aside, the whole thing is a mess and I am sick of it.
I am tuning it out.
I had hoped it was over but I think till the whole thing is busted by the cops without more hiding behind ai or extortionate use of narcotics laws etc, this misogynistic rapacious rot will continue. It is so illicit and creepy that the state officials and hospitals and tech cos involved will certainly go under. But in the meantime I will focus on reverting to my 2008 brain:

https://www.quantamagazine.org/a-new-type-of-neuroplasticity-rewires-the-brain-after-a-single-experience-20260424/

Goodbye.