This line has really affected me.

[Eko]

5. I look at it this way. There is Hitler and then Gandhi.

If you end up more toward Gandhi then you did well.
117 billion humans lived before you. The vast majority, by far the vast majority just lived their lives and died. Very few of those did anything of note and of those that did so many did bad things of note. You are a human. That's what you did, you lived as a human. that's what you were supposed to do. Did you try to make people smile, help people, love? Did you experience the joys and sadness throughout your life? You are on here sharing all the time, you could have been selfish and not done so. I believe you are much better than you think you are. As for the band thing, as a musician for 37 years who went to school for it and works in the music industry what you experienced is common. Every time I see you post here I read it to see what others like me who are alone are experiencing and realize that I may be alone but I am not really alone when I can share with you and everyone here.
You are better than you think you are.
Keep on keeponing.
Eko.